I was almost 9 weeks in to my first 12WBT and was feeling invincible, at least physically. Every muscle was sore from pump class and DVD's and running but I had never felt fitter or stronger. I had finally mastered push ups on my toes (albeit only 2 but I had plans...big plans!)
Then on Wednesday 1st August I woke up with a really sore neck but didn't think too much of it. I took the kids to school, tried to grin and bare it but couldn't hold off the tears and eventually rang Tones to whinge. I couldn't get in to physio for a few days but Tones happened to have an appointment that afternoon and let me take it. As the day went on the pain got worse - Kris had to come home from work and look after me. The physio did my usual adjustment and I felt a little bit of relief but as I tried to move my head and get back in the car I could tell this was more than the usual.
On the 11th August I woke up and had some decent movement back. I was so excited, thought that I might be on the mend. So I did 10 mins of an exercise DVD - felt OK and got excited. I must be getting better? It was obviously the calm before the storm.
The 12th August was by far THE MOST PAINFUL day of my life! So much worse than labour and I didn't even get a baby to show for it. I woke up in more pain than I have ever known, and could literally not move. It was a Sunday and I had planned to go to footy, then out for lunch with a girlfriend for her birthday. Getting in the car to get the Doctor surgery was comparable to getting in the car whilst in labour - but it had to be done. When we arrived at the surgery there was a young kid on crutches who also looked to be in pain. He was there first but he and his Dad watched me in the waiting room and could sense my pain - they let me go first. I could have kissed them. The pain was in my neck, in my shoulder and all through my right arm. It felt like I had a blood pressure cuff on that just wouldn't stop pumping and any minute I thought my arm would explode - or I would die from pain, literally die. Still no one knew what was wrong - the CT scan had come back clear so it must have just been muscle spasms. I was given more pain relief and went home to bed. I spent that day moaning like I was in labour. It was bad! Every time I look at this photo I cringe!
Gradually the pain got more tolerable - But I had to call in help from Tones and Elle. I couldn't shower myself, dress myself, or do anything with the kids. Elle stayed a week and then Tones a bit longer. The day before I was planning on sending her home I decided to drive myself to emergency. It was the 21st August and I hadn't driven all month but I knew it had to be done. I cried a fair part of the way from pain and continued crying in the ED. Then I cried again when they said they didn't know what was wrong and I should go home. At this point I remember I had spent well over $2000 on private scans and appointments and drugs etc trying to figure out what was wrong and a friend had suggested trying public ED. They were about to send me home and a young Doctor (who told me it was his first day) asked me what I thought was wrong with me. I cried again! For fucks sake!! I want you to tell me!! I didn't say that, I just said I think something is wrong with my neck and its affecting my arm. He decided to keep me for a few hours so he could review everything. He came back to me looking excited...he had reviewed my CT scan and thought he could 'see' something. He had requested that a CT person review the scan ASAP and re-report on it. So I just had to sit and wait but I was hopeful...I was starting to doubt myself. Maybe there really was nothing wrong with me?
So I sat in ED at Bunbury from about 9 to 5 that day and it was the best thing I could have done. I left with a piece of paper telling me I had "a prominent irregular C6 disc protrusion". I also had a referral to a surgeon stating my case and it said "she refuses opioids whilst caring for her children". I had a little giggle at that! How the fuck did they expect me to take valium and still be able to look after 3 kids? Thank god for the public heatlh system though - I was finally on the right track.
With this new bit of paper I tried my luck with a few surgeons. I had a December appointment booked with one surgeon but hoped this new information might see me climb the ladder a little. Not the case. I was also due to go to Melbourne at the end of August with a friend and was so scared I would miss my trip. I managed to get an appointment with a neurosurgeon early September so I got on the plane to Melbourne armed with a neck cushion and an assortment of drugs!
It was certainly a different trip - I wore my neck brace most places, just had to take it off to eat (and drink!) I spent most of the trip lounging around the hotel while Di was at her conference. She ducked up to the room at lunch one day and told me I looked like I was in pain! Ha ha - I decided to take a selfie to see (of course I did!) So as much as I couldn't shop up a storm like I usually do it was probably a good thing having 5 days away to rest with no kids and nothing to do except eat and drink and take selfies.
Next step was off to the surgeon....I was excited to see what would happen. I had heard of shaving discs and fusion, and steroid injections but was expecting to have to have surgery. I wasn't prepared for what came though! I'm not sure in hindsight if I consider myself lucky or unlucky that I happened to jag a neurosurgeon who is the only one in WA offering Baguera discs. Diamond plated, solid gold, whiz bang discs that get you back to 90% of your former self - and a speedy recovery! The downside - they are still relatively new in Australia and have yet to be put on the Medicare lists. HBF would cover my hospital stay of course, and most of the anaesthetist, but the surgeons fee and the disc itself were $10,600. Fuck me!! What to do?? I've already spent over $2,000 just trying to figure out what's wrong! There were many reasons why the replacement disc was the best option for me...and just one big reason not to do it...the cost!
I still had limited feeling in my right arm and finger and the surgeon said the best chance of saving the nerve would be to operate within 12 weeks. He had a spot available on 4th October which was about 9 weeks after I first hurt it. I phoned around to some other surgeons in the hope of getting a second opinion. I couldn't see anyone until December or January though so bit the bullet and booked the surgery!
The days leading up to surgery I was a bit of a mess. I cried a lot, I was so scared of having my spine operated on. I wrote notes to the kids and Kris and told a friend where to find them in case anything happened to me. I still read them a bit. 2012 was a crap year - makes for interesting notes when you're in a vulnerable state! Will and I had a little pre neck op selfie sesh...
One last selfie before being taken to surgery...
But I made it through - took lots of pics of course so I could share the journey with everyone. Post Op everything went really well. I was on track - got movement back so fast it was amazing! The scar was better than I had expected and continues to fade now. I celebrated so many small milestones...first drink without a straw, first sneeze, first time driving, first walk, first unguarded hug, first...well we'll leave it at that shall we! There were some exciting first times though!! The first time I got on the tramp would be up there with the scariest moments in my life! I was petrified someone would move!
What is it with hospitals and food? Or is it just me?
So now I'm officially healed but have a big list of no no's to do with the neck. I thought I could do whatever I wanted after surgery but turns out I can't. Exercise wise, I'm allowed to walk and that's pretty much it. Some light hand weights OK but they always hurt me. Every time I try something, the neck hurts - it really sucks. But I'm still hopeful that one day I will wake up my finger will feel normal again, that I can sit at a computer and work without paying for it, that I can do a push up or wrestle my kids without consequences. I'm definitely better - I don't have severe pain anymore, just constant soreness. Driving is particularly bad for me, as is sitting at a computer but I am always in the car, and always at the computer. There's not really much I can do about that.
Since the surgery the fear of hurting myself has gone but I'm still cautious, still brace myself when kids come running. But life goes on, I'm back to pushing shopping trolleys and carrying my own stuff - picking up a crying kid here and there where I can. So I guess it was a success in that I shouldn't have any more disc problems but I'm still bummed that it hurts all the time. Except when I'm drinking of course - I have no neck issues then! But drinking solves everything right??
And the scar today...
