Giddy Up

I have wanted to go horse riding FOREVER! The last time I rode a horse I was in Primary School and it wasn’t riding so much as sitting on a horse and being led around. I’ve loved horses for as long as I can remember but have never really had any horsey friends to take advantage of. Add that to the fact that I always thought I’d be too heavy for the poor horse and I guess that’s why I’ve never pursued my horse riding dreams.

A few months ago however, I was talking to my oldest friend (who just happens to be the last person to have ever led me around on a horse) and we decided we’d go together. Now we’ve decided things like this before but life gets in the way so this time I wasn’t taking any chances. The tickets were booked and we roped two others into the ride.  I know I was insanely excited about the ride, as for the rest of them I think the counter meal and beers afterwards may have been the clincher?

As with any event, the anxiety over what to wear started early.  Pants must be long and tight, which is just perfect given my indulgences over the festive season. Surely Mr Ed won’t notice if my jeans are undone? T-shirts must have sleeves and no loose tunic style tops or singlets allowed. Hmmm, I only wear singlets with loose style tops over the top, and I swear I don’t own a single T-shirt. And are we allowed to have camel toes whilst horse riding? Surely this is the one time a short top with leggings is actually acceptable? Arghhh, this was supposed to be fun! Despite a million texts and Facebook messages we still weren’t really sure what we were all going to turn up in. Although Houghy had decided on these earrings which put us all at ease.

The big day arrived and here’s how it went:

The road trip: The girls mocked me for googling directions – particularly Houghy! She waited until I had planned the whole trip and then threw a spanner in the works with a non-scheduled pick up! Surprisingly I didn’t lose my shit, just let her lead the way from there on. Big mistake – it’s been a while since Tones, Houghy and I have been in a car (or anywhere) together without 27 kids and we were so distracted with chatter we missed our exit and had to rely on Toni’s cold sore covered nose to find our way to Carly’s. Thankfully we arrived safely and still had time for a delicious Nespresso and a little brush up of our riding skills session in the kitchen.

Intro to Horses: After signing our lives away and a million oohs and ahs over the fabulous collection of coloured pens, we settled in for a quick intro to horses and what we’d be doing. Tones turned as white as the chair she was sitting on and looked close to vomiting at the mention of feet getting stuck in stirrups! At this point we thought we’d be leaving her behind in the shed to make the cuppas. We were all a little concerned for her, even more so when she admitted to not knowing which end was the front of the saddle!

Gearing up: Silly me ran to the loo at this crucial moment and the other three fashionistas pounced on the cool helmets! Tones also chose to protect her precious hands with gloves and don a fly net. Houghy was pleased to discover Tones had snitched three gloves so she got to wear one thriller style!

Horse allocation: Now the jury is still out as to how they picked the horses we were to spend the ride on. Some thought it would be based on weight, then height seemed likely after Carlz was allocated Estelle the short horse, but then Houghy was given Chrissie (as opposed to Krissy, no she did not spend the morning riding my husband.) Chrissie was also quite short and the instructor clearly underestimated her long legs and had her set up like a little jockey – all 174cm of her! Next was me who was allocated Bertha. My Great Nanna was named Bertha and it was love at first sight and finally some clarity as to the allocation process. Bertha was without a doubt the prettiest horse so I’m guessing they based the allocation on our looks? Yes Houghy – Chrissie was also very pretty but as discussed much smaller and we all love a big girl don’t we? Finally Tones was given Poppie (a boy ) and we were set to go.

The ride: Well I can only speak for myself on this one but here’s how I saw it. Bertha and I, while a match made in heaven as far as our big girl status and glorious looks, should not have been paired. Bertha had a competitive spirit matched only by her enormous appetite and I spent most of the ride trying to keep her behind Estelle instead of overtaking, and trying to lift her enormous head off the ground while she grazed. And much to the other riders disgust, every time we got a trot happening we had to stop so Bertha and I who had right laned it could fall back into line. Tones (the scaredy cat) got the horse which refused to stay in line and preferred riding on the road to the trail. Carlz had the lazy horse and was placed in front of Bertha and I meaning poor Estelle copped a little nip on the butt by the ever frustrated Bertha. Chrissie and Houghy zoomed along on auto-pilot, I doubt if Houghy jumped off and had a wee Chrissie would have even noticed. I only managed to sneak the iPhone out of my bra once during the ride and this was the result.

Lunch – Outstanding! So much food AND a beer, need I say more. Although poor Carly was disgusted that despite what we had already knocked off at lunch the rest of us insisted on stopping at the roadhouse for Cokes and chocolates. This led to one passenger almost vomiting from over indulgence!

Overall the day was fantastic, filled with giggles, belly laughs, horse shit and the odd missed high 5. I’m bruised and battered yet smiling like crazy at all the memories. And oh so glad I hounded the girls for pictures so we can remember it forever. Here’s to us girls and to making dreams come true, one pub lunch at a time!

I’m so exhausted I’ve decided not to proof read and I’m very concerned I’ve mixed up my use of first and third person. Don't let it bother you - just look at the pictures - everyone loves a pretty picture!